How long does it take to be completely absorbed into the rez world? Not as long as you might think. Proof: when I left Bismarck my car was any version of a normal, not-so-nice, this-is-all-I-want-to-afford, car. 1996 Ford Contour – good engine, low gas-mileage, runs just fine. Fast-forward 6 weeks, and it had become a bona-fide rez-runner. Not even kidding. I moved and within a month my blinkers bleeped out, I ran into 2 deer, lost both mirrors, and had been hit in the drivers side in a moment of drunken revelry. My window now needs to be held up with duct-tape and gives off a weird whistling noise when I drive down the highway.
And yes, the dog is a permanent fixture in the backseat. Why? Because this is what I do with most of my time:
Signs you might be driving a rez-runner:
- you have deer fur lodged in one or more of the vehicle’s crevices
- parts of your exterior and/or interior are held together with duct-tape
- If you lock your keys inside, you can always worm your way in through one of the windows
- It is missing one or more of its signal lights
- You use a medicine pouch and smudge sticks as an alternative to car insurance
- It has been parked in your uncle Larry’s front yard for more than a month because the transmission fluid needs to be flushed.
- You’ve contrived some MacGyver-like contraption to make up for a missing part that you’ve been waiting on for over a year.
- One last word: RUST.
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